Episode 11 - Pirates to the Last!
The afternoon of the 26th day of January, 1640.
"We's heavily outnumbered!" said Coggy to the gathered officers.
"Aye, but I's not one fer duckin' outta a fight - especially when the Dark Water Alliance 'r present." replied Moose.
"Ney ones duckin' outta nottin'!" growled Coggy, "'appen I's got me a plan!," he said.
Tew's ships, Darkness and Fear, held their position either side of the Grim Reaper as the remaining Spanish Armada slowly inched their way towards the waiting pirates.
"Right, 'dis 'is me idea" started Coggy, "Leiutenant Cutter and me first mate, Quintal, 'r gonna take command of two o' tha least damaged Tortugan ships," he said, pointing, to a Brig and a Sloop off the portside.
"Me lads 'r getting the rowboats ready and I's instructed 'em ta take six kegs o' gunpowder with 'em." continued Coggy.
Moose and Morgan looked on with interest, "So what's tha plan?" asked an impatient Morgan.
"Well, matey… 'tis this, 'appen I's instructed me Lieutenants to sail ahead of us, and when in range of the dons, I's told 'em ta light the ships' magazines and ram them Spanish bastids - hopefully blowin' some o' tha swines ta perdition's edge!" explained Coggy, with an evil glint in his eye, "'Appen it's a trick I's tried on a number of occasions and it's not let me down yet" he said proudly.
"Bleedin' 'ell Cog, yer not jus' a butcher after all!" said Moose admiringly.
"Aye, tis a fine plan, that'n. But what about Quintal 'n Cutter, and the crew of the fireships?" asked a curious Morgan.
Coggy gave a wry grin and replied, "Never ye mind 'bout them two swabs, 'Enry. 'Appen I's reassured 'em we'll pick 'em up when they's abandoned ship."
"But off course yee'r not going to 'r ye?" said Moose, realising Coggy's evil intent.
"Course not, matey… what gave ye that impression?" replied Cog with a grin.
"Arrrghh, yew surely 'is tha scurviest bastid sailin' the Caribbean, Cog" replied Moose, "…and it's a pleasure sailin' with ye!" he said proudly.
A few minutes later the two fireships had been readied and Coggy's unwary Lieutenants signalled their Captain.
"Right, the poor buggers 'r in position - tis show time, me hearties" announced Cog, peering through his spyglass.
Just then, La Foot approached the Bridge with the recovered Quinn and drunken Jones.
"If'n we's goin' ta Davey Jones' Locker, I wanna be on me feet when it 'appens." said the groggy Quinn.
The six swabs stood on the Reaper's Bridge and watched as the two fireships approached the dons.
"'Ere we go lads," called Coggy, as the Reaper and her escorts got under way.
The Spanish ships began pounding Cutter's Sloop and Quintal's Brig, but the hardy vessels kept ploughing through the water toward their targets.
"They're takin' a 'ell of a slammin', Sir," called Coggy's lookout.
La Foot took possession of Coggy's spyglass and watched with interest as the two Lieutenants aboard the doomed ships gave the order to light their magazines - before the skeleton crews jumped overboard.
"Watch and learn, La Foot," said Coggy brazenly, "For dis 'is what true piratin' be about, lad."
A few moments later Cutters Sloop, The Piece of Eight, exploded just short of it's target - scattering burning debris over a group of Galleons.
"Thar she bleedin' well blows!" called Coggy with glee.
The gathered men watched in awe as the panic-stricken dons tried in vane to break formation and spread out.
"Awwww, look at them poor greaseballs run!" laughed Morgan as Quintal's Brig rammed a Galleon amidships.
The Grim Reaper and Tew's ships approached the shaken Spaniards and began their deadly duel once more.
"Ok, lads, 'appen they outnumbers us four to one - but I reckon's that's even money in my book," called Coggy to his eager swabs.
"Get those bloody cannons ready, we's gonna give 'em 'ell!" he barked.
Admiral Tew's flagship soon joined the melee and began to pound a couple of warships fleeing the inferno.
Man o War, Fear, came about and blasted a volley across the Reaper's bow and into the oncoming Spanish Flagship, Delfin.
"Those bugger's 'ave beaten us to her" said La Foot with disappointment.
"Patience me lad," assured Cog, "Thar's plenty o' prey ta be 'ad"
BOOM! The second fireship, Gold Collector, exploded in a violent ball of flames and debris, spewing her burning embers over the fleeing dons.
"Awww, what a bleedin' shame," said Coggy sarcastically, "Look at them nice big Galleons catchin' fire. Tis a right shame seeing a fine ship like that go up in flames" he remarked - drawing a smile to the faces of the gleeful swabs.
Just then a hail of musket fire whizzed past the heads of the pirates!
"Shiver me friggin' timbers!" called Morgan, "Those buggers 'r try'n ta kill us!"
Coggy rushed to the front of the Bridge and called to his crew, "Right lads, hows 'bout tastin' some Spanish meat?"
"AYE FRIGGIN' AYE, SIR!" came the unaminous cry from the eager Cutthroats.
"Prepare for boardin' - and remember! - if'n any o' yew bloated bilge rats show's 'em any mercy, yee'll be 'angin' from me mast before this day be thru!" replied Coggy, rallying his troops.
Moose, Morgan, and La Foot, drew their swords and prepared for their first taste of action.
"Quinn, Davey, are ye joinin' tha party?" asked Moose, as the Reaper grappled with the Galleon.
"I's a flag maker, Moosey, but 'appen's I's a fair shot wit a musket! I Think 'ill stay up 'ere 'n pick me a few off!" he called.
"And I's too drunk ta stand!" hicked Davey, before succuming to gravity and falling on his face for a lil' nap.
Over to the portside, the burning remains of three once proud War Galleons were being put out of their misery by Tew's ship, Fear.
The Admiral himself was engaging in a one-sided skirmish with the Delfin's sister ship, Real Valzua.
Within seconds, the Grim Reaper and Delfin crashed together as fighting men from both sides poured onto each others decks.
"GO GIT 'EM, LADS!" called Coggy, as a hundred bloodthirsty bastids began their deadly jig with the overwhelmed dons.
"I's 'avin' me a bit of this!" called the excited Maniac Moose as he jumped down from the Bridge and waded in with his new cutlass.
"Not without me! yew scurvy barnacle ye!" called Morgan, as he quickly followed.
Coggy calmly strolled down the wooden steps from the Bridge leading to the deck, gracefully withdrew his cutlass, spat out a piece of tobacco, and mercilessly hacked the arms off an approaching don.
"Arrgh, tis the pirates life fer me!" screamed Maniac Moose as he thrust his cutlass into the gut of a Spanish marine.
"Take that yew greasy bastids ye!" screamed La Foot, as he entered the fray.
Morgan had two dons on his back trying to throttle him, "Arrrrghhhh, yer filthy pig-dogs!" he called, as he threw one over his shoulder.
With a whiz and a crack, the other don fell to the ground with a gaping whole between his eyes. Morgan looked up in shock only to see his mate, Quinn, on the Bridge giving him a sly wink as he reloaded his smoking musket.
Meanwhile, Coggy thrust his cutlass into the neck of an on-rushing Spaniard, "Whoooaaa, dats gotta hurt ye!" he said, as he chalked up another one.
Two sneaky Spaniards climbed atop the Bridge where the startled Quinn hurriedly reloaded his musket. "Arrgh, ya filthy onion eaters!" he called anxiously as the first one made for him with sword raised.
Just as Quinn thought a trip to the Locker was imminent, he fired at point blank range - hitting the greaseball in the gut.
The other Spaniard quickly made for Quinn - who gave him a vicious swipe with the butt of his musket, there was a dull crack as the dons cheek was shattered - his limp carcass stumbled overboard.
On witnessing Quinn's antics, the semi-conscious Davey Jones lifted his bottle of rum and said, "I'll drink ta that!" before heading back to drunken unconsciousness.
Within minutes, the pirates began to push the Spaniards back with the sheer ferocity of their aggression.
"They're runnin' for it, Cap'n!" called the bloodsplated pirate Jim.
"Arrr, Jim lad, it does me heart good to see ye 'avin' such fun" said Coggy, as he duelled with a Spanish officer.
The beaten dons tried in vain to retreat back to the Delfin.
"Get that ship!" screamed Maniac Moose to the pursuing marines.
Henry Morgan finished his skirmish by lopping the head off a dying don and holding aloft!
"Here ye go, La Foot!… CATCH THIS!" he called with a bellowing laugh.
La Foot turned, caught the head, took one look, and passed out!
"Harrr, Harrr" screamed Morgan with glee, "That thar wus yer initiation present, La Foot!… welcome to tha brotherhood, matey." he said, leaning over the pale faced Lieutenant.
Coggy finished cleaning his jacket of blood and guts, and after checking to see if Arfur, his parrot, was ok, he clambered over the bodies to where the disappointed Moose stood watching the Delfin escape the melee.
"Those yeller swines managed ta ungrapple in time," he said disappointedly, "We could of done with that thar ship..."
"Never ye mind, Moose. 'Appens tha Admiral as spotted it and is movin' in fer tha kill" said Cog, patting his mate on the back.
"Arrr, but Coggy, there's a bunch of yer men still aboard her!" replied Moose, looking over at the ship.
A look of horror came across Cogs face, "BASTARDS!" he barked with anger, "Me men… me bleedin' men!" he whimpered as Tews ship prepared to fire.
"Hey, Cog… why all the concern over yer men now? 'Appen yew didn't give a damn when Cutter and Quintal went to a watery grave" replied Moose, trying to console the miserable Captain.
"Aye, mate… but I vowed never ta loose a man to any Alliance scum, and till dis very moment, I hasn't." he said, with a tear in his eye.
And with that, Tew's flagship opened up with a 100-gun broadside that blew the Spanish flagship, and some of Coggy's unfortunate men, to Davey Jones' Locker.
Twenty minutes later...
The routed remaining Galleons quickly turned about headed away from the pirate ships.
"That's it then," called Morgan, as the pirates surveyed the wreckage and carnage of the battle, "I reckon's we's done ourselves proud today, lads" he said, with a broad grin as he patted Coggy and Moose on the back.
The pirates made their way back upto the Bridge where Quinn was sobering up Davey.
"So who won? <hic>" gurgled Jones.
"We did mate... we did," sighed Coggy.
"By god, I'll drink to that," replied the enthusiastic Davey.
The pirates looked across to the fleeing Spaniards and watched as a last few burning ships slipped beneath the waves.
"So what now, Coggy?" asked Moose, "Are we still gunning fer tha Ol'Man?"
Coggy didn't reply.
"We's in no fit state ta take Cartagena now, mate," Morgan said, trying to get a response.
Coggy removed his hat and wiped the sweat from his forehead.
"Well me hearties, we's gained no plunder from our duel wit tha Spaniards today, and I's jus' spent a fortune on a shit load of weapons - so as far as I'm concerned, we's still got a date with the Ol'Bastid," he replied, as he left his mates and headed for his cabin.
Later that day, the Grim Reaper, followed by Tew's ships Darkness and Fear, came about and limped back towards Tortuga.